Apartment Preparedness

I’m not one to sleep with a girl on the first date.  I have a lot of friends who assure me that the third date is nearly a guarantee, but I don’t really subscribe to that theory either.  I like to let that part of a relationship evolve organically.  But, that doesn’t mean I don’t like to be prepared just in case.

I keep my apartment fairly clean generally.  I vacuum at least once a week, my bathroom is pretty spotless, and my furniture is all in pretty good shape.  But there are things I generally don’t keep 100% visitor-ready.  I rarely make my bed, for example.  Often, I’ll throw a sweater or two on a chair in my bedroom when I decide I don’t need that many layers and not re-fold them until a few days later.  I’ve been teaching myself guitar (gradually) and sometimes I leave it lying on a sofa in my living room.  So, the apartment isn’t spotless.

But I must admit, Thursday night and Friday morning, I start cleaning — just in case — and carefully make my bed.  And, to be honest, it’s not in case a girl wants to spend the night, it’s really just in case she wants to come up for a glass of wine or to hear my awful guitar playing.  I’ve never pressured a girl into anything and I’m quite proud of that.  In fact, I’ve at least twice had to turn a girl down after she got drunk and seemed to want to go uhhhh all the way that night.  In both cases, I didn’t want to ruin a potential relationship by having a one night stand with a girl who seemed really great.

I also keep my apartment stocked, just in case.  Plenty of extra toilet paper, extra new toothbrushes and mouthwash, plenty of clean towels, a collection of hotel soaps and shampoos, tissues, etc.  This isn’t really in preparation for the one night stand, rather it’s in preparation for date number x where a girl does decide to spend the night.  I think it’s a nice courtesy to have enough hygienic products so if they do spend the night, they at least feel comfortable.  Honestly, I think a lot of these things have been more helpful with friends spending the night on my couch considering I’ve only had a grand total of four girls who weren’t old friends ever spend the night at my place.

Is this a common practice?  My bet is that a lot of guys do something similar.  But, I do have female friends who have horror stories of waking up at some guy’s place where he doesn’t even have a clean toilet seat.

A bonus I’ve been considering lately is keeping around more cooking supplies — I think it could be fun to make breakfast with a girl the next morning.  Not something I’ve ever tried early on in a relationship, but it seems like a good way to transition from the early morning pillow talk.

OKcupid Skipped Questions: Hairy Issues

Do Women Have an Obligation to Shave Their Legs?

Do Women Have an Obligation to Shave Their Legs?

There are tons of interesting and sometimes thought provoking questions on OKCupid, everyone’s favorite free dating website.  But then there are questions that are difficult to answer.  Here’s a recent example that’s been frustrating me:

Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?

My direct answer to this is: no, of course not.  However, at the same time, I would prefer a woman who shaves her legs.  By selecting no, it’s more likely that I’m going to matched with a girl with hairy legs, which is a big turn off for me (and probably a lot of other men).

Just to clarify my position on women and shaved legs, let’s look at the issue here.  Shaving any body part is a hygiene choice and therefore personal.  Women have no obligation to shave their legs, armpits, chest, arms, whatever any more than a man does to shave his face or trim his sideburns.  Do I find it more attractive when a woman has shaved legs?  Yes.  Do I feel like a woman is doing something inherently wrong by not shaving her legs?  No.  Good for her, it’s her choice.  Further, I have absolutely no right to tell a girl that she has to shave body parts or wear makeup or confirm or do anything else that I think makes her look pretty.  In return, if I choose to grow a beard — though my beard doesn’t exactly grow in the way I’d like it to — I don’t think a woman has the right to tell me I’m obligated to shave (the exception to this, of course, is if I’m offered a spot on the Yankees).  I’m also not obligated to brush my teeth or shower, though I imagine most women would prefer this.  Similarly, most men probably prefer a woman with shaven legs.  Though, this whole shaven legs thing is actually a style that’s less than 100 years old.

But, again, here’s the problem with this question: I don’t want to date a girl who doesn’t shave her legs.  I once actually dated a girl who didn’t shave above the kneecap and it was a huge turnoff for me.  I don’t know why, I can’t explain it — for men prior to 1920, this was normal — but I didn’t like it.  So part of me is inclined to answer “yes” just to be sure that every girl I’m matched with is shaving her legs.  Of course, that also means that every girl that I’m matched with might also think women are obligated to stay home and take care of their families, or think that Saudi Arabia is on to something when they forbid women from driving cars.  The small subset of women who have their gender philosophies dwelling in the past like that are also turn-offs for me.

So how do I answer this question?  I don’t.  I skip it.  I could answer it privately but then most people will assume I answer that women are obligated to shave their legs — and I don’t want them to think that!

It’s a vicious cycle.