Texting & Pacing Things Early On

I feel like I was born at a strange point in history in that I kind of sit between two generations of people: callers and texters.  Granted, I think most people under the age of 35 use text messaging with some frequency, I think there’s a divide somewhere around people currently under the age of 26-27 and older folks as the older of the two groups tend to have a general understanding that there are times you call and times you text.  The younger generation, however, seems to prefer texting above all — unless they’re calling mom and dad, whose texts are so riddled with typos it’s easier to just have a full blown conversation.

Since moving to San Francisco, I’ve gone out with three girls, 1-3 years younger than me.  In each case, the girls would tell me to text them — not call them.  I’m not a big believer in the “3 day rule” so I generally text the next day after a good date to tell them that I’m thinking of them and had a good time last night.  In fact, sometimes I’ll send a text or two after getting home from the date if we left things on a particularly high note.  But I find text messaging to be really fragmented and it’s tough after a while to really hold a conversation over it.  At some point, I’d rather just call and ask a girl what she’s up to then sit on my couch and meditate over exactly how I should phrase every single text message I send.

But calling a girl, especially one in her early twenties has become taboo — it’s playing things to aggressively.  But at the same time, I feel like I can’t quite get the rhythm of texting someone I don’t know very well — it’s too hard to know if they get when I’m joking or being serious.  So after a while, I feel like I lose texting steam.  I’d so much rather talk to them in person or on the phone.  This gets worse between dates #2 and #3.  I’m at that point with a girl right now and I feel like by not talking to her during the week, I’m hurting the chances that things will take off between us.  I’d rather sustain the momentum somehow.  Just not over text.

Am I the only one who has this problem?  How do you keep the fire burning between dates?  Especially when a girl only tends to be free on Friday and Saturday nights due to hectic work schedules.  If I see her on one Friday and hope to see her the next Friday, how often do I need to send her messages in the meantime to ensure that whatever spark might’ve been there the first date will still be there the second date?

I’m getting too old for this shit.

Act of Desparation? Men on Dattch

Working for a tech company, it’s difficult to go a few hours without perusing the tech press.  I came across an article while on my way home from work today on The Next Web.  The article covers the beta release of a new data app called “Dattch” that’s oriented towards lesbian dating.  This is an interesting niche as there aren’t many dating websites or apps devoted strictly towards lesbian dating.  Granted, there are some popular gay hookup apps, but none oriented towards relationships.  Currently the app is beta testing in the UK, but has intentions to roll out internationally sometime soon.

About halfway through the article, I couldn’t help but notice passage:

The idea of men making fake profiles to browse a lesbian site might sound spurious but Exton has been surprised at the rate and extent to which this happens. “Daily, we have about five guys registering for an invite and it’s unsubstantiated but the emails have a guy’s name on them. We’ve seen fake Facebook accounts set up to try and get invites. You’ll see they set up an account yesterday, have no friends but they like Dattch and something like ‘Lesbian and bi girlies of London’. It’s amazing. The fact that people will go to that extent to try and check out gay women or convert them or meet up with them.”

Now, I’ve been more or less single for about a year and a half.  And, like many (most?) men, I do find girl-on-girl erotica to be one hell of a turn on.  But, seriously?  What’s the game plan behind this?  Sign up for a lesbian dating site, set up a date and then reveal yourself to be a dude once you meet in person?  I’m sure this will go over real well.  Surely, she’ll realize that she’s no longer gay and invite you to a massive lesbian orgy that you’ve always fantasized about.  I can only think of maybe four or five gay female friends that I have and to be honest, the fact that their gay has really taken any potential sexual tension out of our interactions.  Do some guys think that being on a lesbian dating website will lead to something?  I know there are still people in the US who think that being gay is a choice — and I’m not looking to start a debate here — but there’s pretty much zero chance you’re about to “convert” a gay woman to go out with you via a lesbian dating app.  I don’t really get it.

[via The Next Web]

The Mobile Digital Self

On a date a few weeks ago I found myself really connecting to the girl I was out with.  We were at a bar in Nob Hill and were texting some mutual friends.  After a while, she decided to take the liberty of using my iPhone to text on behalf of both of us.  As she explored my phone, she started going through my contact list and noticed that while almost all of my contacts are people’s full names, there are a handful of one-named contacts.  In every case it’s usually a girl’s name: Courtney, Danielle, Emily, Jen, Jill, etc…  She jumps to the (correct) conclusion that these are all phone numbers of girls I’ve been out with — or at least, as she guessed, girls who had given me their number.  I laughed it off and hoped that she was kidding.

Luckily, she didn’t get too deep into the folders of apps on my phone or she would’ve found my OKCupid app (which has 8 unchecked notifications on it).  We didn’t meet on OKCupid, we met organically, so I have no idea what her attitude towards the site is.  Most people are okay with it, a handful are not.  At the same time, I didn’t want her to get the impression that I’m some sort of guy looking for a one night stand or a “player.”  I’m not.  In fact, only once in my life have I ever dated more than one girl within the same time period (I’ll get to that in a later post) and I felt overwhelmed and kind of guilty about it — though I wasn’t exclusive with either girl.  The girl I was out with seemed like a great person and the last thing I wanted to do was have her think I’m looking for a one night stand.

So that begs the question: what steps, if any, should you take to make sure your smart phone is date-safe.  By that, I mean, do you want to have all the text conversations from your old girlfriend deleted?  Should you delete or at least try to hide all your dating apps so they can’t see what you’ve been up to?  How long should you wait after you stop seeing someone to remove their contact info from your phone?

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here.  In fact, it’s probably pretty rare a girl is going to go through your phone on the first date.  But it’s probably something that’s worth being prepared for.